Thought on Lent, from a first time participant

This will be my first year to participate in Lent in any way. Ever since learning about making a sacrifice during Lent (which I didn't learn about until I was about 25, there aren't a lot of Catholics in the Deep South) I've been fascinated with the idea of giving something up.  I didn't take the time to read about it, of course, but was always slightly jealous of people who "got" to do it. I was disappointed to learn that my Catholic husband (who I met later) didn't really participate.  This year, we are. We both gave up candy, including chocolate. This isn't particularly original, but we beginners and so this is what we chose. Last night we had some Easter candy and today it was supposed to go to work with Mike so that it would not tempt us at home. It did not go. I guess I get to learn strength the hard way. (Cadbury mini eggs might be my favorite candy of all.)

Last night as I was lying in bed, I did my usual prayer, but then was thinking about Lent and sacrifice and Jesus and how I didn't really know the meaning of Lent. This led to my getting up today and reading a few articles and blog posts of the more serious type.  Most of the blog posts were from the Catholic Exchange (WHY can't their RSS feed be easy to set up? It's like they want me to forget to click over. Also, you'd think they would actually link book titles to a place to purchase said titles, no?) Here's the most interesting thought that I read, from For Lent: Redefine True Womanhood. This one has great ideas for other sacrifices, than the obvious chocolate choice. I particularly like "Fast from negative self-talk about your value or appearance."  I'm not an overly negative person, but I think this one could really change a person, even if they failed.

After I read those, I decided I better read the Daily Mass readings for the day, so I went and did that. Which told me that I'm not supposed to let anyone know that I'm fasting and I'm supposed to pray in secret. This is all well and good, but how does that reconcile with wearing ashes from Mass? It's not like I really wanted a medal for participating, but I didn't realize it was supposed to be on the hush hush. If I had read that on any other day I would have assumed that it meant that a good Christian did not go shouting to the rooftops what a great Christian they were, but since it's the reading for today, a day of prayer, fasting and alms, perhaps it means today? Clearly, I have more reading to do. I think maybe it's time to go to the source, and read one of the gospels. My good friend G (not Catholic) suggests John, so that's where I'm going to begin.  I'm also going to spend a little more time thinking about today's readings, as it seems there's a good bit of other stuff to think about in there ("A clean heart create for me, O God, and a steadfast spirit renew within me." Ps 51:10 and "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise." Ps 51:15)[Side note: If you happen to be reading the wrong one, say Psalm 50 instead of 51, you will be utterly confused.]

In the hour it's taken me to write this, I've had to resist the mini M&Ms at least 6 times. Every single time I've thought, "oh wait, I gave those up for God." If this is any indication of how the next 40 days will go I will either be very devout or very bitter at the end. Perhaps I should get rid of the bag of candy now.