Thought on Lent, from a first time participant

This will be my first year to participate in Lent in any way. Ever since learning about making a sacrifice during Lent (which I didn't learn about until I was about 25, there aren't a lot of Catholics in the Deep South) I've been fascinated with the idea of giving something up.  I didn't take the time to read about it, of course, but was always slightly jealous of people who "got" to do it. I was disappointed to learn that my Catholic husband (who I met later) didn't really participate.  This year, we are. We both gave up candy, including chocolate. This isn't particularly original, but we beginners and so this is what we chose. Last night we had some Easter candy and today it was supposed to go to work with Mike so that it would not tempt us at home. It did not go. I guess I get to learn strength the hard way. (Cadbury mini eggs might be my favorite candy of all.)

Last night as I was lying in bed, I did my usual prayer, but then was thinking about Lent and sacrifice and Jesus and how I didn't really know the meaning of Lent. This led to my getting up today and reading a few articles and blog posts of the more serious type.  Most of the blog posts were from the Catholic Exchange (WHY can't their RSS feed be easy to set up? It's like they want me to forget to click over. Also, you'd think they would actually link book titles to a place to purchase said titles, no?) Here's the most interesting thought that I read, from For Lent: Redefine True Womanhood. This one has great ideas for other sacrifices, than the obvious chocolate choice. I particularly like "Fast from negative self-talk about your value or appearance."  I'm not an overly negative person, but I think this one could really change a person, even if they failed.

After I read those, I decided I better read the Daily Mass readings for the day, so I went and did that. Which told me that I'm not supposed to let anyone know that I'm fasting and I'm supposed to pray in secret. This is all well and good, but how does that reconcile with wearing ashes from Mass? It's not like I really wanted a medal for participating, but I didn't realize it was supposed to be on the hush hush. If I had read that on any other day I would have assumed that it meant that a good Christian did not go shouting to the rooftops what a great Christian they were, but since it's the reading for today, a day of prayer, fasting and alms, perhaps it means today? Clearly, I have more reading to do. I think maybe it's time to go to the source, and read one of the gospels. My good friend G (not Catholic) suggests John, so that's where I'm going to begin.  I'm also going to spend a little more time thinking about today's readings, as it seems there's a good bit of other stuff to think about in there ("A clean heart create for me, O God, and a steadfast spirit renew within me." Ps 51:10 and "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise." Ps 51:15)[Side note: If you happen to be reading the wrong one, say Psalm 50 instead of 51, you will be utterly confused.]

In the hour it's taken me to write this, I've had to resist the mini M&Ms at least 6 times. Every single time I've thought, "oh wait, I gave those up for God." If this is any indication of how the next 40 days will go I will either be very devout or very bitter at the end. Perhaps I should get rid of the bag of candy now.

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

The first book on my self-imposed, read-about-Christianity plan was Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller.  As the title would suggest, this is more a book of loosely connected essays on Miller's thoughts on Christianity and spirituality. My good friend G suggested that I read this one, and as she is one of my two greatest Christian inspirations, I took her advice.  It was a great book to start with, as it wasn't too serious but still managed to provide some food for thought.

It is hard to pin Miller down to any one organized religion, and the church he belongs to seems to be a homemade,  not particularly organized and full of passion,  and not held accountable by a larger organization, type church. I find this both inspiring (they are so passionate about Christ that they made their own successful church!), and a bit off-putting (passion is good and all, but is this a freaky cult?) There is no doubt that Miller believes in the existance of God and Christ. He seems to have been born with an innate need for a spiritual presence. He does question the details, and openly admits to seeing the complexity and the irrationality of some of the facets of Christianity. Miller ultimately comes through on the side of belief every time but it's really encouraging to see such a steadfast believer voice some of the same problems I have as a newcomer.


The book itself could have really benefitted from an editor. No one uses the other persons name in a face to face conversation as often as they do with Miller. No one.  Once, maybe twice, but not every sentence.  I understand that it lends urgency to a passage, but it really took my attention away from what was really being said. There were also a few chapters that seemed to only barely tie in to Christianity as well. Overall, a good first choice, but as with any books, annoying in places.


I'm not sure what book is up next, I did update my Spiritual Reading List this week with additonal titles already on my shelves.

Quotes worth taking note of:
p 13. I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. The is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God.

p. 33. (re: the idea that you have to make a decision to follow or reject Christ.)  And, perhaps, I was judging the idea, not by it's merit, but by the fashionable or unfashionable delivery of the message.

p. 51. The goofy thing about Christian faith is that you believe it and don't believe it at the same time. It isn't unlike having an imaginary friend. I believe in Jesus, I believe He is the Son of God, but every time I sit down to explain this to somebody I feel like a palm reader, like somebody who works at a circu or a kid who is always making things up or somebody at a Star Trek convention who hasn't figured out the show isn't real.

p. 87.  Every year or so I start pondering at how silly the whole God thing is. Every Christian knows they will deal with doubt. And they will. But when it comes it seems so very real and frightening, as if your entire universe is going to fall apart. I remember a specific time when I was laying there in bed thinking about the absurdity of my belief. God. Who believes in God? It all seems so very silly.

p.104. And that's when I realized that believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon. [Lisa's Note: I keep coming back to this one in particular.]

p. 197. "When we do what God wants us to do, we are blessed, we are spiritually healthy. God wants us to give a portion of our money to His work on earth. By setting aside money from every check, you are trusting God to provide. He wants you to get over that fear- that fear of trusting Him. It is a scary place, but that is where you have to go as a follower of Christ. There are times when my wife and I don't have enough money to cover bills, but we know the first bill, the first payment we make, is to the church. That is most important. If the other bills get neglected, then we need to watch how we are spending money. And there are times when we have found ourselves in that situation. But it works out. We are getting good at trusting God, and we are getting good at managing money."

p. 205. Too much of our time is spent trying to chart God on a grid, and too little is spent allowing our hearts to feel awe. By reducing Christian spirituality to formula, we deprive our hearts of wonder.

When I think about the complexity of the Trinity, the three-in-one God, my mind cannot understand, but my heart feels wonder in abundant satisfaction. It is as though my heart, in the midst of its euphoria, is saying to my mind, There are things you cannot understand, and you must learn to live with this. Not only must you learn to live with this, you must learn to enjoy this.

p. 229. "Your value has to come from God. And God wants you to receive His love and to love yourself too."

p. 232. And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it. I think apart from the idea that I am a sinner and God forgives me, this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned. When you get it, it changes you. ...  God's love will never change us if we don't accept it.

On the third day

I woke up this morning feeling much less emotionally invested in the idea that God was leading me to peace. Like a fire that burns brightest at the beginning, I'm left with a quieter need than I initially had.  I was prepared for this to happen, but have already made the committment to continue. I suspect that for a while it will be much like researching any other topic- like learning to sew or brushing up on my World History - but I am still hopeful that it will resolve to be a spiritual path.  Part of me is still very resistant to being part of an organized religion (we'll go the Catholic route in practice, not completely in doctrine, more on this later.) I am like a person with a split personality, half of me seeking a God and the other half watching as a spectator. I've never felt scornful of anyone who found value in the Church, but it's really completely alien to me that it could help you in more than the social ways.  Even that, of course, would be a blessing.

Meanwhile, another friend posted her daily devotion from yesterday, so that I could read it, and once again I find it completely fitting to my situation. The devotion is from Jeremiah 29:11* and reads as follows

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

You'll notice it's not something like helping the poor or honoring your mother or even revering the Lord. It's about the Lord's plans for me and the future, the one thing guaranteed to keep me going on this quest.  Today I will be calling our local parish and asking if there is a welcome wagon (if you will.) I'm also going to start my reading with the book Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality, which I've had in my possession for years. A very good friend, who happens to be one the Ideal Christian**, told me it was one of her favorites.

*At some point I may chose an edition of the Bible from which to consistently quote. At this point it's enough that it's speaking to me at all.

** Very faithful, always willing to talk about her faith, but only when invited to do so. Accepting and loving of everyone, and never, ever pushy or smug.